So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
