I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
