I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
