I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
