just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
