wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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