Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
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Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
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You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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