What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
