You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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