u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
