dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
