so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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