I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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