Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
