Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
