In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
