She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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