Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
