im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
