I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
