I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
