So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
