yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize