...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
