Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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