He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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