Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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