margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
