okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
