I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
