I'm really into asian looking animals
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
