I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
