My Higher Power is John Stamos
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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