And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
