Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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