Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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