So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
