Sry I called you an 8
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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