last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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