I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
