1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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