i may or may not be watching the land before time
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
