I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
