if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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