just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
