I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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