It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
