i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
