I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
