Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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