On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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