May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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