Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Will exercising make me less horny?
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