you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
