btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
