Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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