i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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