there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
