careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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