Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
