Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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