She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
