This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
